<When the future is unseen, humans suffer from anxiety and depression. Then, like Karl Marx, they end up cursing life, cursing the world, and cursing God. Therefore, seeing the future is synonymous with hope. However, since seeing the future requires knowing the present, it can be said that hope originates from knowing the present.> Reading Medicine – How to See the Future
In 2021, a time spent wandering in a long darkness. Slowly being consumed by madness, I was hurtling towards death, when my conscience shone a cold light upon me. A light like a spotlight, revealing my hidden, hideous self.
“I tried my best, so how can the world’s evil be my responsibility?” A hollow resentment echoed in the void. My lost conscience, at the end of hypocrisy, finally confronted me with the truth: that the source of all evil was none other than myself. In that moment, I was left with no choice but to despair.
The self I had desperately tried to ignore in the darkness was wretched. The moment my soul was laid bare, I felt both deep despair and a faint hope simultaneously. The endless abyss and the single ray of light found within it were a paradox.
At the precipice of despair, facing the inescapable truth, I had to choose between the temptation of falsehood and the pain of truth. The answer was already decided, but the choice was agonizing. I implored God for the strength to choose truth, for a way out of this darkness. In that very moment, in the deepest darkness, I saw a single ray of hope. Like a star in the night sky, a ray of hope shining even brighter in the darkness.
The truth is, I am a being unworthy of any good, one who deserves to pay the price for my sins. Perhaps all of us, mortal beings, face this truth. But in the moment we fully confront this uncomfortable truth, the possibility of a new beginning opens up.
And so, I long for that day. When, like dawn breaking through the darkness, hope liberates us from all despair.