The history of depression runs deep. The first person in human history to suffer from depression was Cain. It is only natural that he would be depressed, as the Creator God happily accepted his younger brother Abel’s sacrifice but completely ignored the first fruits of his hard labor. I, too, would have been depressed in his place. Anyone would.
Abel simply tended sheep and offered one as a sacrifice when the time came, but Cain toiled in the fields for an entire year to offer his harvest, only to have it disregarded. It seemed too much, even for a god. As rumors spread that Abel was receiving God’s grace, women subtly tried to catch his eye, and everyone—family, relatives, and neighbors—praised only Abel. It was depressing.
As a year turned into two, the depression turned into anger. Cain could not accept the fact that Abel, who was no better than him, succeeded in everything he did while he failed in everything he attempted. No matter how much he thought about it, he couldn’t recall doing anything wrong that would warrant such disregard from God. So, he would sometimes become furious, weep alone, and increasingly suffer from days when he couldn’t eat or sleep properly due to depression. He resented those who favored Abel, he resented Abel himself, and he resented the unfair God. He couldn’t bear the resentment.
The day for offering sacrifices returned. Cain felt that he didn’t know what he would do if God rejected his offering again. His anger was about to explode. “Please, just this time!” But the result was the same. God happily accepted only Abel’s sacrifice and didn’t even look at Cain’s. His blood ran cold. He wanted to curse God on the spot but barely held back.
Returning home, he stopped eating and became lost in thought. What was the problem? No matter how much he thought, he couldn’t find anything seriously wrong. He had occasionally inflated prices a little or told a few minor lies while running his orchard, but they didn’t cause significant harm to anyone, and everyone did that much. He had had sex with a girl from a neighboring village at the mill without his parents or neighbors knowing, but it was consensual. He was now determined to focus on his orchard and make it successful, but God wasn’t helping him. If only God accepted his sacrifice, the brand value of his orchard would skyrocket, and everyone would like him. Even the pretty girls who only liked Abel would turn their attention to him. They would recognize his true worth. That’s why he had toiled in the fields all year. But God only liked Abel. God was only harsh to him. He had truly done his best. What had he done so wrong! This was UNFAIR.
Cain put on his clothes and went out to find his brother Abel, who was tending sheep in the field. He lured him to a secluded place and killed him. The metallic smell of blood filled the air. Adrenaline surged through his body, washing away the resentment, bitterness, and pent-up anger that had weighed on his heart like undigested food for years. The taste of revenge was a happiness and peace he hadn’t felt in a long time, perhaps ever. Although temporary, Cain discovered a primal pleasure that he would likely crave again once he had tasted it.
Thus, the first murderer in human history was born. Cain buried his brother’s body, erased the traces of blood, and headed home whistling, still enjoying the adrenaline coursing through his veins. It was then that Cain first heard God’s voice. “Where is your brother Abel?”
I have reconstructed the story of Cain and Abel, which is only one paragraph long in the Bible, in a more coherent way. I believe I am correct in assuming that Cain undoubtedly suffered from depression, regardless of the other details. But what if Cain had acted differently? Would his depression still have led to murder or suicide?
What if Cain hadn’t rationalized the things that came to mind as he pondered what went wrong, saying, “Everyone does that”? What if Cain had considered all the things he was ashamed to reveal in detail to his neighbors as sins and deeply repented each one? If that still didn’t work, what if he had at least prayed honestly to God? What if he had prayed, “God, I want to do well, I want to do well so that I can help others and live a meaningful life, but I don’t know how; I have no idea where to start, so please show me”?
If he had, God would have probably said, “You just said you want to help others and live a meaningful life, but is that truly so?” Because God sees not words but the heart, He would have known that Cain had little thought for others in his heart and was actually only thinking of his own well-being. And He would have probably said, “Since you say so even if it’s a lie, you at least know that it’s shameful to live only thinking of your own well-being. And you also know that having a heart to help others is desirable. But until your heart says so, not your lips, your sacrifices will never be accepted.”
Cain now had to revise his heart, his worldview. No, he had to completely tear it down and rebuild it. He had to repent before God for all the things he had done against his conscience while living for himself, and he had to plan a life of truly living for his neighbors. Even if it meant giving up the success of his orchard, the pretty girls, and the recognition of others that he had dreamed of, he had to do it. If that was difficult, he should have at least prayed for a heart that could live for others. He should have prayed to be helped to desire something other than the desires to live as he pleased and the fleeting pleasures. (After all, people are defined by what they desire.) Otherwise, Cain’s sacrifices would never be accepted, and he would eventually suffer from depression while seeing Abel’s success.
But what if Cain had changed his heart and succeeded in making a great life goal—a life of living for his neighbors—his own? Not only would his sacrifices be accepted, but he might even become a son more beloved by God than Abel. Because one step of a person with the noble goal of living for their neighbors, bearing all losses, is far more valuable than a million steps of a person living for themselves. A person who lives a valuable life does not suffer from depression. In the end, depression comes because one realizes that one’s life has no value. Even with 12 trillion won in assets, one cannot escape depression. Without a “noble goal” and a “clean conscience,” there is no valuable life.
Leave a Reply