Recently, I received a desperate plea for advice from a woman. She asked, “What can I do about a love that, even after giving my all, has left me wounded and abandoned? If I can’t even bring myself to feel resentment because it’s too painful, what hope is there for souls whose fundamental belief in love has been so brutally shattered?”
In Dante’s <Inferno>, the deepest circle of hell is reserved for ‘traitors’. Among countless sins such as theft, rape, and murder, Dante considered ‘betrayal’ the most heinous. I agree with Dante. People have a surprisingly strong resilience when faced with sudden harm inflicted by seemingly evil individuals. However, betrayal by someone you trust leaves long-lasting scars, and some never fully recover.
During our formative years, our lack of knowledge and experience makes us easy prey for all kinds of betrayers. Some approach with the intention of betrayal from the start, while others simply follow their desires without much thought. Ultimately, a heart wounded by betrayal thinks, “I’ll never trust anyone again,” or “I’ll never be able to love again.” This marks the end of a naive youth and the beginning of cynicism. Cynicism often evolves into materialism: “Since I can’t trust anyone, I might as well maximize my own gains. I’ll only focus on what I can see and touch.”
From this point forward, past wounds become a justification for present desires. They no longer believe in anything intangible. In this way, the betrayer successfully casts the wounded into the abyss of sex, money, and vanity. Now, it’s their turn to be betrayed by sex, money, and their own vanity. When they realize that none of these can truly fulfill them, they often find themselves in an irreversible situation.
At this point, they come to resent everything in the world. The point where older generations subtly leading younger ones to ruin, and they may even fall into the depths of sadistic or perverse desires, or develop mental illnesses like depression or anxiety. They come to resent their own existence, the existence of others, the world itself, and even God. The world becomes a living hell, day by day. All that remains is death. Betrayal, the devil, scores another kill point. Betrayal has ultimately won.
The only weapons against the cynicism born from betrayal are not psychotropic drugs, but knowledge, wisdom, courage, and faith. If blindly trusting someone you barely know is naive, then choosing someone carefully, knowing full well that betrayal is a possibility, and deciding to trust them anyway takes courage.
The world runs because of people who, despite the risk of betrayal from others, society, or the world itself, fulfill their responsibilities. It is only because of those who courageously choose to believe that trust and love still exist in this world. Even they have experienced betrayal, and they know the pain it causes, but they continue to strive to believe in the existence of trust and love because they believe that these things are essential to the world. If they find it difficult to do so alone, they may find strength in believing in a God who never betrays. (If this helps them avoid nihilism and materialism, then their belief in God becomes a tangible and visible benefit.)
However, courage alone is not enough. Without knowledge and wisdom, courage is less likely to succeed. First, we must understand what truly matters in love. Love requires some initial attraction or at least a lack of repulsion. This is a necessary condition for love to begin. However, it is not the most important. The most important thing in love is whether the person can maintain trust, even when love fades. After all, love is ultimately about finding someone to spend eternity with. It’s about finding someone who, even after the initial excitement and sweetness fade, even after deep disappointments, will not betray you.
The words of those who betray love often have something in common. They say things like, “They no longer loved me,” “They made me lonely,” “I no longer felt sexually attracted to them,” “I was momentarily infatuated with someone else,” or “They seduced me.” Some may even argue, “If I no longer feel love, why should we stay together? Isn’t it better to go our separate ways?” Such people are unworthy of love.
Love is this: ‘Neither you nor I are perfect. We will have good times and bad times together, and there will be days when we resent each other. But despite all that, I promise to never leave you until death do us part. Until then, we will share everything without secrets, support each other’s flaws, and walk together on the path to becoming complete, no matter what. The only thing that can end this relationship before death is infidelity.’
If this is not what love is to you, then there’s no need to confess your love or get married. You can simply live like an animal, mating when you feel the urge. People cannot fully open up to someone they can easily abandon. If you’re married today but could be a stranger tomorrow, everything you confess today could be posted online tomorrow. A married couple is a relationship where both parties make the strongest promise possible to never turn their backs on each other for any reason except infidelity, and under this promise, they share all their secrets.
To find someone who won’t betray you, you must first assess their sense of responsibility and honesty when you find someone attractive. No matter how attractive or successful someone may seem, if they lack honesty and responsibility, cut them off immediately. Betrayal can destroy even the best things. The best way to assess their sense of responsibility and honesty is to see how much they dislike lies. Furthermore, it’s better to develop feelings for someone gradually based on their character rather than falling instantly in love. When you fall in love at first sight, it can be difficult to distinguish between genuine attraction and mere infatuation.
People who lack spiritual beauty have one thing in common: they are attracted to strangers. Physical desire, even for someone like Ji-hyun Jun, fades with repetition. That’s why desire craves novelty. But spiritual beauty grows and deepens over time. Schopenhauer said that what humans envy most is not appearance or material possessions, but “spiritual superiority,” which no one can steal and which even time cannot overcome. Especially after the vigor of youth fades and physical vitality wanes, sensual pleasures become difficult to sustain, leaving only decades of spiritual enjoyment. Therefore, prioritizing sensuality leads to an unhappy old age.
They say, “You can’t judge a book by its cover,” and to truly see a person, you must first look deep within yourself. If you chase after love while being swayed by desire, greed, or vanity, you will only end up deceiving yourself. Your own spirit must first grow beautifully before you can recognize a good partner. This is not easy. That’s why, after choosing someone carefully, you need courage. You also need the strength to rise again without cursing the world if you are betrayed. I pray that those trapped in the tunnel of nihilism after experiencing the naivety of youth and the pain of betrayal will find the light at the end of the tunnel through knowledge, wisdom, courage, and faith, and be able to love beautifully once more.
Leave a Reply